[ and there it is - that smile. and maybe it should be silly, how it’s the simple things he needs, but wanda smiles and she pokes fun and it helps confirm for sam that even in spite of all of this, they’ll be okay. they can be okay. ]
You gotta have hope if you want something to work out. My momma always said the finish like was seventy percent believing it was there at all.
[ you boys, she says, and god. it’s stupid, he knows it’s stupid, but it feels good. that it can be you boys from wanda, and somehow in that good feeling comes a full body missing of nat. his smile doesn’t falter, exactly, but wanda probably recognizes the look.
she’s been through enough loss to know if when she sees it.
her weight sinks against his side, and sam leans back into it, pressing a kiss to her temple where it rests on his shoulder before setting his cheek against the top of her head. her voice is soft when she speaks, and sam knows the tone she’s using. knows, fully, that feeling of a sister not wanting to give too much away. still, she can probably feel him smile a little at it, at least until she asks. ]
No- I didn’t. Which was…I don’t know. It’s the first time I haven’t felt it when everyone else did.
[ he doesn’t know what that means, either, and in a not insignificant way it does unsettle him. worry him. ]
Perhaps whatever is causing this [—the singularity, right?—] thought you need a break. You've been here much longer than most of us.
[that's only an assumption, though. she is fully aware that it may not actually be a proper answer, and she worries about what it may really mean. should they even worry about it, at all?
wanda thinks that she doesn't want to worry too much about it, sitting here with sam at her side. it's not the same as seeing him actually hurt and in bed, unable to move too much, but it is enough to put her at ease, the fact that he's conscious enough to come see her.
if she can, she wants to be selfish—spend as much time as she can here.]
Will you tell me what you were doing out there? [the details always slip away, untold to her. she knows sam meets with stephen to discuss things—she makes sure to steer away from sam's domain during those times, or stay upstairs in the room he's created for her, like a pouty child. with her being in solvunn, sometimes she feels like she's not on the loop of anything.] Or is it a secret?
Doubt it. Geralt got pulled in, and he deserves a break more than I do.
[ even from the beginning, geralt’s gotten something of the short end of the stick. from the dungeons, to the queen’s spies, to keeping ciri protected, safe, out of watching eyes. geralt, who had woken up mid-nightmare, nearly torn in two.
sam realizes he’s gotten lost in though, and shifts a little to more fully settle on wanda, using the touch, their proximity, to show her his attention is back on her.
when she asks about the trip, sam let’s out a sigh that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact he is more than a little aware he’s handled this whole thing very poorly. he doesn’t regret going, and he knows he’ll be back out there when he can, but-
he did this in the wrong way, keeping it secret. playing it down. and now he’s suffering for it. ]
It’s not a secret, and I should have told you. I’m sorry about that. [ because that’s the truth. ] A few weeks ago, during that big meeting we had, Geralt had pulled me aside. He found something while he was out hunting - a human, or something close, bone with metal plating. It was at the mouth of a cave out in the badlands, and he did a little digging. The cave itself was sealed tight, possibly abandoned, but it was off. He had his own reasons, but I… [ sam trails off, thinking for a moment, trying to remember what exactly he had thought first, before the now explanation set it.
well, whatever it is, his tone has that dual layer to it. heavy, because he knows something is wrong, but wary, careful, because he doesn’t know what. wanda would probably recognize it from the times they’d been hunting down hydra, even while on the run. that sense of duty steve got, because it was worth it, always, no matter the dangers. ]
I had a bad feeling about it, so I wanted to go make sure nothing else was going on. I didn’t find much, but something unsanctioned was happening. It might still be. We weren’t able to make it all the way in. [ a beat, and then he exhales again. ] I don’t know, Wanda. I went because I needed to make sure there weren’t people out there getting hurt, but as soon as I left…this shit happens.
[wanda listens, watching the dew of condensation on sam's glass, sees how his hand tightens around it as he finds the words to explain what happened—and also what he thinks is happening. it reminds her all too much of missions back home, of the potentiality for wrong-doing, of how sometimes mission briefs were too simple and too to-the-point, only for them to find out whilst in the mission that they had actually gone in blind.
sometimes, things led to a dead end, or to something without much of a resolution.
this feels like the latter.]
...you're going to go back. [it's the obvious conclusion, the obvious decision to make. the next bit she says it with a bit of a light tone, looking down at her hands.] Because it's what we do.
[heroes, avengers, whatever they want to call themselves these days. she swallows, wishing that she wasn't so far away from him—physically—and that she could go, too, to keep him safe, to see with her own eyes that no harm would come to him or any of those important to her.
but that's not something she can do right now.]
I'll send you something. [she's resolute; she will find a way to do something with her magic that will help him, that will keep him safe.] Even if it's something that you really wish you had from back home, I can... do some things, like Peter's spider...web things? [#terminology? she turns to look at him.] And for Steve. It's not like he will let you go without him.
[ that is the problem, isn't it? that he looks at these pieces and sees a larger picture, that he's so used to seeing that larger picture because that's where steve has always needed him. where he's always needed to be. he sees an uncertain fact here, a piece of information that doesn't make sense there, and suddenly all sam can see is the whole of it. what could happen, if these things are left alone. what is possible, if those building blocks are still there.
he has spent the last few days being yelled at - by julie, by jesper, by peter, by inej. geralt, who sam had never even heard him raise his voice. he prepares for wanda, too, though he's not sure why. prepares to hear her tone, in the same way he'd imagined the message through their minds.
you're going to go back she says instead, and when sam's eyes jerk upwards towards her, he finds her eyes down at her own hands. because it's what we do.
sam feels...he doesn't know how to describe it. if wanda looks up to see his expression, she'll see his eyes a bit wide, almost younger. it's a relief, suddenly, not to feel like he has to explain why. why he's driven for the larger picture, why he needs to help them all, even if it leaves him bedridden for days at a time.
wanda doesn't tell him off. doesn't shatter the cup in his hand, or harden her jaw. sam can't explain the rush of all that tension flooding out of him, doesn't know what to call the feeling of what is left behind, but what he does feel is that same distance. how far she really is.
his expression shifts to confusion, his head tilting. ] Like the care package? [ it pulls a small smile to his mouth, and he sets his cheek against the top of her head again. lets go of one hand around the cup to wrap it around her, to pull her closer to his side. ] I'll wait for it. And Steve is coming, too. You think I'm going to let him out of my sight?
[ but that's another conversation, isn't it? another time, another topic, another heavy weight that sam accepts he will carry, and continue to carry.
it's another moment before he exhales. ] I really am sorry for worrying you, for what it's worth.
[she doesn't need to see his face to realize what reaction her words have caused on him; sam is incredibly easy to read as far as his emotions are concerned. wanda thinks, has thought, that it's because he doesn't mind being unguarded—but it's likely also just the way he is: open and welcoming, nothing hidden in his sleeve to be revealed later.
he is warm, and wanda can feel that even more as he pulls her closer to his side, an arm around her shoulders.
she lets him, leaning against him, wrapping an arm around his middle. she misses this—misses the home and clarity in her life when they were just the avengers. him promising that he'll wait for her package is a promise she knows he will keep.]
It's okay.
[softly said, a quiet sort of melancholy. sam is safe now, which is what matters. she cannot control what may happen in the future, but she can just take it as it is—one day at a time.]
[ she's not wrong - sam has never been difficult to read. never really tried. between seeing what happens when emotions and mental health are put on the backburner for vets like him, to joining a team of people used to lying, it felt more necessary to be honest. to be himself. sarah had always made fun of him, used to tease him whenever he tried to join in during the family poker nights, because anything and everything was always open, right there, for the world to see.
wanda doesn't seem to mind how he pulls her in a little closer, and really, sam's more thankful for that than anything. he's not exactly sure when the focus here shifted from trying to comfort her to him finding comfort in the opposite direction, in being able to lean up against her and her wrap her arm around his middle, and just. be there for a little bit.
its been more months than sam really wants to count since he feels like he's had this. over a year since he's been home, and longer still, if he wants to count anyone other thank his nephews. his sister. all one side of the world he was trying to keep.
it's okay she says, and sam knows that it isn't that simple. part of him considers poking at it, trying to see if there's anything there to open up, but then her question catches him. stills him a little, just for a second or two, before he lets out another breath and relaxes fully back into their spot. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You gotta have hope if you want something to work out. My momma always said the finish like was seventy percent believing it was there at all.
[ you boys, she says, and god. it’s stupid, he knows it’s stupid, but it feels good. that it can be you boys from wanda, and somehow in that good feeling comes a full body missing of nat. his smile doesn’t falter, exactly, but wanda probably recognizes the look.
she’s been through enough loss to know if when she sees it.
her weight sinks against his side, and sam leans back into it, pressing a kiss to her temple where it rests on his shoulder before setting his cheek against the top of her head. her voice is soft when she speaks, and sam knows the tone she’s using. knows, fully, that feeling of a sister not wanting to give too much away. still, she can probably feel him smile a little at it, at least until she asks. ]
No- I didn’t. Which was…I don’t know. It’s the first time I haven’t felt it when everyone else did.
[ he doesn’t know what that means, either, and in a not insignificant way it does unsettle him. worry him. ]
no subject
[that's only an assumption, though. she is fully aware that it may not actually be a proper answer, and she worries about what it may really mean. should they even worry about it, at all?
wanda thinks that she doesn't want to worry too much about it, sitting here with sam at her side. it's not the same as seeing him actually hurt and in bed, unable to move too much, but it is enough to put her at ease, the fact that he's conscious enough to come see her.
if she can, she wants to be selfish—spend as much time as she can here.]
Will you tell me what you were doing out there? [the details always slip away, untold to her. she knows sam meets with stephen to discuss things—she makes sure to steer away from sam's domain during those times, or stay upstairs in the room he's created for her, like a pouty child. with her being in solvunn, sometimes she feels like she's not on the loop of anything.] Or is it a secret?
no subject
Doubt it. Geralt got pulled in, and he deserves a break more than I do.
[ even from the beginning, geralt’s gotten something of the short end of the stick. from the dungeons, to the queen’s spies, to keeping ciri protected, safe, out of watching eyes. geralt, who had woken up mid-nightmare, nearly torn in two.
sam realizes he’s gotten lost in though, and shifts a little to more fully settle on wanda, using the touch, their proximity, to show her his attention is back on her.
when she asks about the trip, sam let’s out a sigh that has nothing to do with her and everything to do with the fact he is more than a little aware he’s handled this whole thing very poorly. he doesn’t regret going, and he knows he’ll be back out there when he can, but-
he did this in the wrong way, keeping it secret. playing it down. and now he’s suffering for it. ]
It’s not a secret, and I should have told you. I’m sorry about that. [ because that’s the truth. ] A few weeks ago, during that big meeting we had, Geralt had pulled me aside. He found something while he was out hunting - a human, or something close, bone with metal plating. It was at the mouth of a cave out in the badlands, and he did a little digging. The cave itself was sealed tight, possibly abandoned, but it was off. He had his own reasons, but I… [ sam trails off, thinking for a moment, trying to remember what exactly he had thought first, before the now explanation set it.
well, whatever it is, his tone has that dual layer to it. heavy, because he knows something is wrong, but wary, careful, because he doesn’t know what. wanda would probably recognize it from the times they’d been hunting down hydra, even while on the run. that sense of duty steve got, because it was worth it, always, no matter the dangers. ]
I had a bad feeling about it, so I wanted to go make sure nothing else was going on. I didn’t find much, but something unsanctioned was happening. It might still be. We weren’t able to make it all the way in. [ a beat, and then he exhales again. ] I don’t know, Wanda. I went because I needed to make sure there weren’t people out there getting hurt, but as soon as I left…this shit happens.
no subject
sometimes, things led to a dead end, or to something without much of a resolution.
this feels like the latter.]
...you're going to go back. [it's the obvious conclusion, the obvious decision to make. the next bit she says it with a bit of a light tone, looking down at her hands.] Because it's what we do.
[heroes, avengers, whatever they want to call themselves these days. she swallows, wishing that she wasn't so far away from him—physically—and that she could go, too, to keep him safe, to see with her own eyes that no harm would come to him or any of those important to her.
but that's not something she can do right now.]
I'll send you something. [she's resolute; she will find a way to do something with her magic that will help him, that will keep him safe.] Even if it's something that you really wish you had from back home, I can... do some things, like Peter's spider...web things? [#terminology? she turns to look at him.] And for Steve. It's not like he will let you go without him.
...so, just wait until it gets to you. Alright?
no subject
he has spent the last few days being yelled at - by julie, by jesper, by peter, by inej. geralt, who sam had never even heard him raise his voice. he prepares for wanda, too, though he's not sure why. prepares to hear her tone, in the same way he'd imagined the message through their minds.
you're going to go back she says instead, and when sam's eyes jerk upwards towards her, he finds her eyes down at her own hands. because it's what we do.
sam feels...he doesn't know how to describe it. if wanda looks up to see his expression, she'll see his eyes a bit wide, almost younger. it's a relief, suddenly, not to feel like he has to explain why. why he's driven for the larger picture, why he needs to help them all, even if it leaves him bedridden for days at a time.
wanda doesn't tell him off. doesn't shatter the cup in his hand, or harden her jaw. sam can't explain the rush of all that tension flooding out of him, doesn't know what to call the feeling of what is left behind, but what he does feel is that same distance. how far she really is.
his expression shifts to confusion, his head tilting. ] Like the care package? [ it pulls a small smile to his mouth, and he sets his cheek against the top of her head again. lets go of one hand around the cup to wrap it around her, to pull her closer to his side. ] I'll wait for it. And Steve is coming, too. You think I'm going to let him out of my sight?
[ but that's another conversation, isn't it? another time, another topic, another heavy weight that sam accepts he will carry, and continue to carry.
it's another moment before he exhales. ] I really am sorry for worrying you, for what it's worth.
no subject
he is warm, and wanda can feel that even more as he pulls her closer to his side, an arm around her shoulders.
she lets him, leaning against him, wrapping an arm around his middle. she misses this—misses the home and clarity in her life when they were just the avengers. him promising that he'll wait for her package is a promise she knows he will keep.]
It's okay.
[softly said, a quiet sort of melancholy. sam is safe now, which is what matters. she cannot control what may happen in the future, but she can just take it as it is—one day at a time.]
Can we stay like this for a while?
no subject
wanda doesn't seem to mind how he pulls her in a little closer, and really, sam's more thankful for that than anything. he's not exactly sure when the focus here shifted from trying to comfort her to him finding comfort in the opposite direction, in being able to lean up against her and her wrap her arm around his middle, and just. be there for a little bit.
its been more months than sam really wants to count since he feels like he's had this. over a year since he's been home, and longer still, if he wants to count anyone other thank his nephews. his sister. all one side of the world he was trying to keep.
it's okay she says, and sam knows that it isn't that simple. part of him considers poking at it, trying to see if there's anything there to open up, but then her question catches him. stills him a little, just for a second or two, before he lets out another breath and relaxes fully back into their spot. ]
Yeah. Long as you want, I'll stay.