[ sam might be able to, maybe. he's worked his whole life learning how to stand up straight, to carry whatever it was that pushed down on him. it had been a prideful thing for his dad, when he was growing up. always keep your chin high and your sights higher. and that's what sam did - kept carrying on, shoulders square, reaching higher and higher until he literally needed wings to get to where he wanted to be. higher and higher, until riley fell. but maybe that was a lesson sam had to learn that his father didn't have for him, something that it took his own experiences, his own losses, to really wrap his head around. specifically, maybe, that he shouldn't be carrying this weight alone. and for all of bucky's crooked walks and tilted shoulders, he had the strength and he has the stamina and sam has found, over these last few weeks, that maybe sharing this weight isn't as hard as he thought if he had someone else by his side.
the shield is back up at the house, unceremoniously leaned up against the doorframe of the living room, because sam couldn't store it in his room. the shield isn't even his (again). not really. no decisions have been made and no titles have been taken and for all that bucky's wakandan delivery acts as the loudest box in the county, sam hasn't fully accepted what is happening. hasn't really, fully, decided that this is what he wants to do. but maybe steve had the right idea - maybe a captain america does need a bucky barnes. or maybe it's just sam wilson who does.
bucky sits up when sam starts to cough just like he knew he would, and sam waves him off. pulls himself back together and then starts laughing, again, when bucky mentions the jets. ]Okay, fine, over-achiever. Yes- I'm pretty sure you destroyed the entire S.H.I.E.L.D airbase, but we took down the Helicarriers, thank you. [ sam can see bucky trip up, the smile falling and tension filling the space, and sam pauses - just for long enough to see if bucky's going to settle there, or if the lightness of the evening is going to win out. and maybe, just maybe, sam shouldn't feel as proud, or relieved, or whatever it is he feels, seeing bucky shake his head and laugh again. whatever the feeling is, it fills sam's chest with the same sort of warmth left in the air between them.
bucky mentions approved of menacing and sam opens his mouth to argue, or contradict, or say something - but it's that exact moment that bucky flips his bottle and tosses it into the box next to sam's empty bottle, and anything sam wanted to say leaves him in a rush, instead leaving room for - ] Are you kidding me? Show off. [ because they're always on the same page, aren't they? even in this. even now.
and then it is the moment, when sam takes a leap of faith. jumps right on out of the plane and into the open air, waiting for the moment that his wings will catch. that is the feeling sam has watching the smile fade from bucky's face, but rather than seeing something close back up again, get filed back into a room that sam doesn't have access to fully yet, he sees something else. something he thinks is thoughtful, something he thinks is complicated. the silence feels like it stretches out forever, sam's very own heart rate slowing to match the gentle rocking of the waves.
huh.
that is the moment that sam starts to question - if he should fill the space, if he should give bucky a way out. he doesn't want to turn all of this into an interrogation - if bucky doesn't want to say anything more, he doesn't have to. it's why he supplies the follow-up. why, even now, he's prepared to derail the conversation entirely. but before sam could continue, before the words make it out to shift the focus away, bucky speaks. not just speaks, but shares. don't make this a big deal the voice echoes again, but sam is entranced. isn't even sure he breathes.
it's not until bucky finishes, looking back over to sam with a small smile, that sam feels his heart start back up again. feels himself breathe. the weight of the moment is still heavy in the air, but it feels less like a burden and more like a comfort. bucky looks over to him and sam looks back to him, holding the eye contact for another moment or so, seeing the permission there. ]
I'm sorry. [ sam knows what it feels like to lose a mother. while he'd been a little older than thirteen, the loss never really goes away. not when it comes to mothers. to half of the name of the boat under their very feet. bucky has basically told him to go ahead, to ask, and he nearly feels paralyzed by the chance. ]
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the shield is back up at the house, unceremoniously leaned up against the doorframe of the living room, because sam couldn't store it in his room. the shield isn't even his (again). not really. no decisions have been made and no titles have been taken and for all that bucky's wakandan delivery acts as the loudest box in the county, sam hasn't fully accepted what is happening. hasn't really, fully, decided that this is what he wants to do. but maybe steve had the right idea - maybe a captain america does need a bucky barnes. or maybe it's just sam wilson who does.
bucky sits up when sam starts to cough just like he knew he would, and sam waves him off. pulls himself back together and then starts laughing, again, when bucky mentions the jets. ]Okay, fine, over-achiever. Yes- I'm pretty sure you destroyed the entire S.H.I.E.L.D airbase, but we took down the Helicarriers, thank you. [ sam can see bucky trip up, the smile falling and tension filling the space, and sam pauses - just for long enough to see if bucky's going to settle there, or if the lightness of the evening is going to win out. and maybe, just maybe, sam shouldn't feel as proud, or relieved, or whatever it is he feels, seeing bucky shake his head and laugh again. whatever the feeling is, it fills sam's chest with the same sort of warmth left in the air between them.
bucky mentions approved of menacing and sam opens his mouth to argue, or contradict, or say something - but it's that exact moment that bucky flips his bottle and tosses it into the box next to sam's empty bottle, and anything sam wanted to say leaves him in a rush, instead leaving room for - ] Are you kidding me? Show off. [ because they're always on the same page, aren't they? even in this. even now.
and then it is the moment, when sam takes a leap of faith. jumps right on out of the plane and into the open air, waiting for the moment that his wings will catch. that is the feeling sam has watching the smile fade from bucky's face, but rather than seeing something close back up again, get filed back into a room that sam doesn't have access to fully yet, he sees something else. something he thinks is thoughtful, something he thinks is complicated. the silence feels like it stretches out forever, sam's very own heart rate slowing to match the gentle rocking of the waves.
huh.
that is the moment that sam starts to question - if he should fill the space, if he should give bucky a way out. he doesn't want to turn all of this into an interrogation - if bucky doesn't want to say anything more, he doesn't have to. it's why he supplies the follow-up. why, even now, he's prepared to derail the conversation entirely. but before sam could continue, before the words make it out to shift the focus away, bucky speaks. not just speaks, but shares. don't make this a big deal the voice echoes again, but sam is entranced. isn't even sure he breathes.
it's not until bucky finishes, looking back over to sam with a small smile, that sam feels his heart start back up again. feels himself breathe. the weight of the moment is still heavy in the air, but it feels less like a burden and more like a comfort. bucky looks over to him and sam looks back to him, holding the eye contact for another moment or so, seeing the permission there. ]
I'm sorry. [ sam knows what it feels like to lose a mother. while he'd been a little older than thirteen, the loss never really goes away. not when it comes to mothers. to half of the name of the boat under their very feet. bucky has basically told him to go ahead, to ask, and he nearly feels paralyzed by the chance. ]
What was her name?