[ human beings make mistakes, be weird if they didn't. bucky wouldn't trust a person who didn't, not in a million years, because that's not a person.
provided it was given orders that allowed it wiggle room to get the job done its own way, the winter soldier didn't make mistakes. it was only ever limited by its handlers. really, bucky should be grateful that pierce didn't instruct him to kill fury, kill captain america, and ended it there. if those were the winter soldier's mission parameters, both would have been dead now, along with countless millions of potential hydra resistance, and he would still be buried somewhere down deep in hydra's programing. hell, thanos maybe would've skipped their planet, hydra would have already done the job for him.
but that wasn't what pierce said. he thought he was clever. rumlow, thought he was clever. they thought they knew better, that their broad daylight tactics were more effective than the winter soldier's shadow skulking, which it's been made for, trained for, for decades. they thought they had to keep an eye on it around steve - not a bad instinct - but in doing so, allowed it time with the man.
human beings make mistakes. machines don't. so all in all, bucky greatly prefers a fuck up here and there, even if it hurts, even if it pushes at his raw nerves, even if he thinks there's nothing clever or funny about bringing up his victims as a zinger. there's a greater chance of him eventually trusting, inching closer to coming to, a human being who fucked up a couple times, than a machine that handled it all perfectly.
granted, clearing 'o chance' is a low bar. but it's not that sam exclusively fucks up. he trusted bucky when bucky sprang zemo. he goes to sleep in the sam room with him without appearing to worry he'll never wake up again. he turns his back to him, not appearing to worry it's the last mistake he'll ever make. he isn't jumpy around him. they're all things bucky appreciates. but the thing he appreciates most of all?
he's still here. despite his anger, even during the worst of it, he didn't threaten to disappear on him now, to cut him out. we never have to see each other after this mission. bucky would fight the battle he needs to fight either way, but sam's not making him go at it alone, and that's not nothing.
it's actually quite a lot.
but today was a rough day. today sucked. having to pretend he was a thing again on its own would have been enough. but no, he also had to follow zemo's orders of all people. zemo. the man who made him ruin steve's life. who nearly had him killing steve with his own bare hands. and sam. zemo, who's constantly pocking and prodding at him, trying to pull the winter soldier back out into the light. he won't admit to sam that he's scared, because facing zemo - it's something he needs. he has to know that he can stand up to it, that he can take the manipulation without cracking. if he doesn't test himself, he'll never trust himself. bucky is playing the highest stakes game of poker with zemo. today, he took a beating.
but the game's not over yet.
bucky watches sam work with disguised interest. he never really got to see how to work in a kitchen; he was always shooed out by his mother, their kitchen was small, and it wasn't his place. he was only ever called back in when it was time to do the dishes or take the trash out.
now, he's living all on his own, and he's pretty helpless in this field. yes, he knows, there's a shocking number of cooking shows and more recipes online to follow than he knows where to start with. but he's not used to learning from a screen. everything he's learned in life as himself - has been from another person who was right there in the room with him. or outdoors. in his space, okay, gees.
he mutters a quiet ] Thanks. [ when sam hands him the plate, and digs right in.
bucky didn't exaggerate, when he said he'd eat anything solid. hell, if he had no other choice and it was another day, he would have even swallowed the bad memories and downed a protein shake. food is food, and you don't waste it.
but this is actually pretty good. it's not at all nostalgic, but it also doesn't remind him of his time at hydra, and today? he'll take it. ]
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provided it was given orders that allowed it wiggle room to get the job done its own way, the winter soldier didn't make mistakes. it was only ever limited by its handlers. really, bucky should be grateful that pierce didn't instruct him to kill fury, kill captain america, and ended it there. if those were the winter soldier's mission parameters, both would have been dead now, along with countless millions of potential hydra resistance, and he would still be buried somewhere down deep in hydra's programing. hell, thanos maybe would've skipped their planet, hydra would have already done the job for him.
but that wasn't what pierce said. he thought he was clever. rumlow, thought he was clever. they thought they knew better, that their broad daylight tactics were more effective than the winter soldier's shadow skulking, which it's been made for, trained for, for decades. they thought they had to keep an eye on it around steve - not a bad instinct - but in doing so, allowed it time with the man.
human beings make mistakes. machines don't. so all in all, bucky greatly prefers a fuck up here and there, even if it hurts, even if it pushes at his raw nerves, even if he thinks there's nothing clever or funny about bringing up his victims as a zinger. there's a greater chance of him eventually trusting, inching closer to coming to, a human being who fucked up a couple times, than a machine that handled it all perfectly.
granted, clearing 'o chance' is a low bar. but it's not that sam exclusively fucks up. he trusted bucky when bucky sprang zemo. he goes to sleep in the sam room with him without appearing to worry he'll never wake up again. he turns his back to him, not appearing to worry it's the last mistake he'll ever make. he isn't jumpy around him. they're all things bucky appreciates. but the thing he appreciates most of all?
he's still here. despite his anger, even during the worst of it, he didn't threaten to disappear on him now, to cut him out. we never have to see each other after this mission. bucky would fight the battle he needs to fight either way, but sam's not making him go at it alone, and that's not nothing.
it's actually quite a lot.
but today was a rough day. today sucked. having to pretend he was a thing again on its own would have been enough. but no, he also had to follow zemo's orders of all people. zemo. the man who made him ruin steve's life. who nearly had him killing steve with his own bare hands. and sam. zemo, who's constantly pocking and prodding at him, trying to pull the winter soldier back out into the light. he won't admit to sam that he's scared, because facing zemo - it's something he needs. he has to know that he can stand up to it, that he can take the manipulation without cracking. if he doesn't test himself, he'll never trust himself. bucky is playing the highest stakes game of poker with zemo. today, he took a beating.
but the game's not over yet.
bucky watches sam work with disguised interest. he never really got to see how to work in a kitchen; he was always shooed out by his mother, their kitchen was small, and it wasn't his place. he was only ever called back in when it was time to do the dishes or take the trash out.
now, he's living all on his own, and he's pretty helpless in this field. yes, he knows, there's a shocking number of cooking shows and more recipes online to follow than he knows where to start with. but he's not used to learning from a screen. everything he's learned in life as himself - has been from another person who was right there in the room with him. or outdoors. in his space, okay, gees.
he mutters a quiet ] Thanks. [ when sam hands him the plate, and digs right in.
bucky didn't exaggerate, when he said he'd eat anything solid. hell, if he had no other choice and it was another day, he would have even swallowed the bad memories and downed a protein shake. food is food, and you don't waste it.
but this is actually pretty good. it's not at all nostalgic, but it also doesn't remind him of his time at hydra, and today? he'll take it. ]
What is it? [ he asks between big bites. ]