[ maybe that's one of sam's faults. because sam has them. faults and mistakes and things he's done that he could have done better. mistakes that he doesn't even realize he's made and others that follow him into those dark nights. he sees the faces of fellow soldiers, people he's failed to help. maybe he shouldn't have said it all, but sam has a nasty habit of taking those leaps of faith, again and again. maybe he should be more explicit that he's trying to bridge this gap with bucky, maybe he should try more, better. he's already failed on that end, could have done more, been better. could have kept the shield and saved them all a lot of heartache. himself a lot of heartache.
( could have stopped himself from feeling like he's failed steve. )
so sam, instead, just tries to do his thing. he and bucky don't get along, and while the bigger part of him is fine to ignore that and just keep trucking, there is a part that wants to push. wants to ask. wants to keep bucky there and keep him talking and maybe, just maybe, if given the time, bucky doesn't have to leap. that maybe, after working and working, slowly but surely, it's become a step, rather than a leap at all. or at the very least, give bucky the opportunity to make the step, rather than any leap. rather than any potential for falling.
granted - sam may not be the best person to ask about that, given his propensity for leaping. for jumping off ledges and waiting for his wings to catch him on the way down.
and yes, there is a part of him that maybe, possibly, should second guess that. maybe he should think about the people he's lost, or almost lost. about the people no longer with him.
sam could say more. sam could keep picking at bucky until he finally gives. he knows that he annoys bucky, just as bucky annoys and frustrates him in return. there's always been a back and forth between them, and that's probably why sam is even here, still. it's also probably why sam feels like he can get a sense of where bucky's head is. not entirely, he isn't sure he'll ever be able to read bucky's mid, or if he ever really wants to. but he can sense something there. something under the surface that bucky hasn't shaken for the night. something off.
but sam isn't going to push. or at least - he's not going to push yet. if at all.
bucky gets the plates and sets them down, and sam nods, mutters a quick - ] Thanks, man. [ because he is thankful. for bucky's place, for his help, for him moving without sam asking. then he moves to stand back into his spot. defensive stance, watching the room and the door and everything else in between. it's protective, in bucky's own weird way. defensive. paranoid. but overall, sam doesn't see any harm in that, so sam lets him without comment.
over the next few minutes, sam simply gets to work. he works with the food. he hums to himself. bucky is in the corner, doing his staring thing, but sam lets him, this time.
then - when all is said and done - sam plates two dishes, with a little left over if sharon or zemo rises - and picks up both of them, walking one over to bucky and holding it out for bucky to take. and when he does, sam leans back against the island, getting comfortable, as he takes a bite - thinking for a moment, judging his own creation, and then shrugging. ]
no subject
( could have stopped himself from feeling like he's failed steve. )
so sam, instead, just tries to do his thing. he and bucky don't get along, and while the bigger part of him is fine to ignore that and just keep trucking, there is a part that wants to push. wants to ask. wants to keep bucky there and keep him talking and maybe, just maybe, if given the time, bucky doesn't have to leap. that maybe, after working and working, slowly but surely, it's become a step, rather than a leap at all. or at the very least, give bucky the opportunity to make the step, rather than any leap. rather than any potential for falling.
granted - sam may not be the best person to ask about that, given his propensity for leaping. for jumping off ledges and waiting for his wings to catch him on the way down.
and yes, there is a part of him that maybe, possibly, should second guess that. maybe he should think about the people he's lost, or almost lost. about the people no longer with him.
sam could say more. sam could keep picking at bucky until he finally gives. he knows that he annoys bucky, just as bucky annoys and frustrates him in return. there's always been a back and forth between them, and that's probably why sam is even here, still. it's also probably why sam feels like he can get a sense of where bucky's head is. not entirely, he isn't sure he'll ever be able to read bucky's mid, or if he ever really wants to. but he can sense something there. something under the surface that bucky hasn't shaken for the night. something off.
but sam isn't going to push. or at least - he's not going to push yet. if at all.
bucky gets the plates and sets them down, and sam nods, mutters a quick - ] Thanks, man. [ because he is thankful. for bucky's place, for his help, for him moving without sam asking. then he moves to stand back into his spot. defensive stance, watching the room and the door and everything else in between. it's protective, in bucky's own weird way. defensive. paranoid. but overall, sam doesn't see any harm in that, so sam lets him without comment.
over the next few minutes, sam simply gets to work. he works with the food. he hums to himself. bucky is in the corner, doing his staring thing, but sam lets him, this time.
then - when all is said and done - sam plates two dishes, with a little left over if sharon or zemo rises - and picks up both of them, walking one over to bucky and holding it out for bucky to take. and when he does, sam leans back against the island, getting comfortable, as he takes a bite - thinking for a moment, judging his own creation, and then shrugging. ]
Not bad, for what I had.