[ there are a lot of things that sam does that drive bucky absolutely crazy, and he can make entire lists of those things - both in anger, and in humor. but the thing he doesn't say, is there's an equally long list of things he appreciates about sam. their - whatever the hell they are - sure, it started out of loyalty to steve, which bucky can more than respect. but loyalty to steve or not, bucky wouldn't have blamed the guy if he never wanted to lay eyes on him again after he ripped a steering wheel out of his hands in the middle of a highway.
and yet here he is, prodding. prodding very much like bucky used to prod steve. like bucky's just a normal person you can prod, even after being reminded again what the winter soldier was like, even after seeing for the first time with his own eyes - what the winter soldier really was. a thing. a piece of machinery, a piece of property to be traded hands, and formatted like a computer when he wasn't working right. he can be angry with sam and appreciate him at the same time, he has emotions a thousand times more complicated than that, shut up.
sam's met with another long silence, while his cyborg brain computes a reply. ]
s'just a nightmare.
[ he finally says. because he can be mad at sam, but he's over here trying, and he misses that. he's desperate for it, really. because what does he have to come home to -- if not that? and he promised steve he'd try.
that look of loathing in his friend's eyes flashes through his memory. he's never seen steve look that way, not at anyone. he wonders if he even looked at red skull that way, during their final showdown, after his fall.
he can't really picture it. so why is it he can so easily picture it turned toward himself, when steve loved him enough to cross enemy lines on his own for, break up his family, put down his shield? ]
no subject
and yet here he is, prodding. prodding very much like bucky used to prod steve. like bucky's just a normal person you can prod, even after being reminded again what the winter soldier was like, even after seeing for the first time with his own eyes - what the winter soldier really was. a thing. a piece of machinery, a piece of property to be traded hands, and formatted like a computer when he wasn't working right. he can be angry with sam and appreciate him at the same time, he has emotions a thousand times more complicated than that, shut up.
sam's met with another long silence, while his cyborg brain computes a reply. ]
s'just a nightmare.
[ he finally says. because he can be mad at sam, but he's over here trying, and he misses that. he's desperate for it, really. because what does he have to come home to -- if not that? and he promised steve he'd try.
that look of loathing in his friend's eyes flashes through his memory. he's never seen steve look that way, not at anyone. he wonders if he even looked at red skull that way, during their final showdown, after his fall.
he can't really picture it. so why is it he can so easily picture it turned toward himself, when steve loved him enough to cross enemy lines on his own for, break up his family, put down his shield? ]