[ honestly, there's a part of sam that knew he shouldn't have brought up d.c. a part of him that missed the speed of that city, the weird tension that always seemed to flow through it, but also the moment of beauty. of quiet mornings running through the monuments. of days walking the streets and knowing what happened behind the scenes. d.c. wasn't home, for sam, but it was close enough for long enough.
it was where he met steve, after all.
and he shouldn't have brought it up.
but he did, and sam is not one to shy away from a fight, or his own mistakes. the tension that shoots through steve like a crack of thunder. guilt, yes, but also blame. he's been around enough soldiers, enoughs vets who survived and heard the stories of those who didn't, to be able to pick it out of just about anyone. and lucky for steve, he and sam have spent enough time together over these last few months, sam has started to pick up on a few of these steve-isms. or cap-isms. he's not sure what he wants to call them yet.
like that not-smile. like that exhale. somewhere around here steve says leave the old girl resting and sam feels a quick of a comment in the back of his throat. an alright, grandpa, but watch your back when you stand because sometimes steve can pass and other times sam is hit across the face with the fact he's from the forties and there's no denying it. but sam also knows that what steve says next, once he's clasped a warm, heavy hand to his shoulder, is the more important comment to react to.
again - he's starting to guess when these things are going to happen, and he can almost feel the apology before it leaves steve's mouth. sam almost jumps in to cut him off, a quick don't you dare just to pull the rug out from under him. but instead, he just lets steve say his piece. listens to the words and the tone and the responsibility that almost drips from steve's very shoulders. it's at the end of that, just around the word 'end', that sam's brows shoot up. an unspoken oh, is this how we're going to play it? not that steve can see, with how he's avoiding his eyes. coward.
at first, sam just waits. lets them both crouch there under this stove with steve still refusing to look at sam and sam not afraid to let the silence linger. for one moment, and then one more, before he pushes out a sigh of his own and pushes up to stand. ]
I deserve a lot of things, Cap, so I won't argue with you there. [ he'd settle for a pizza, if he's being perfectly honest. and that's still on the table.
sam holds out a hand, then, for steve to take. he may not need the help to stand, but sam offers it anyway, which is movement sam's gotten used to doing. a feeling he's used to having. you might not need me, right now, but don't worry. i can wait. he assumes that steve will take it, even if it takes a moment, but again - sam is patient, and sam waits, and when steve's hand finally makes it in his own, he'll pull the other man up to his feet. ] But this really depressing flat? Is also what I chose. [ with steve's hand still wrapped around his own, between them, sam will smile. will hold steve's eyes now that he can't get out of it, push their hands forward until sam's knuckle taps against steve's chest. ]
And I'm pretty sure I chose you, too. So you're kind of stuck with me.
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it was where he met steve, after all.
and he shouldn't have brought it up.
but he did, and sam is not one to shy away from a fight, or his own mistakes. the tension that shoots through steve like a crack of thunder. guilt, yes, but also blame. he's been around enough soldiers, enoughs vets who survived and heard the stories of those who didn't, to be able to pick it out of just about anyone. and lucky for steve, he and sam have spent enough time together over these last few months, sam has started to pick up on a few of these steve-isms. or cap-isms. he's not sure what he wants to call them yet.
like that not-smile. like that exhale. somewhere around here steve says leave the old girl resting and sam feels a quick of a comment in the back of his throat. an alright, grandpa, but watch your back when you stand because sometimes steve can pass and other times sam is hit across the face with the fact he's from the forties and there's no denying it. but sam also knows that what steve says next, once he's clasped a warm, heavy hand to his shoulder, is the more important comment to react to.
again - he's starting to guess when these things are going to happen, and he can almost feel the apology before it leaves steve's mouth. sam almost jumps in to cut him off, a quick don't you dare just to pull the rug out from under him. but instead, he just lets steve say his piece. listens to the words and the tone and the responsibility that almost drips from steve's very shoulders. it's at the end of that, just around the word 'end', that sam's brows shoot up. an unspoken oh, is this how we're going to play it? not that steve can see, with how he's avoiding his eyes. coward.
at first, sam just waits. lets them both crouch there under this stove with steve still refusing to look at sam and sam not afraid to let the silence linger. for one moment, and then one more, before he pushes out a sigh of his own and pushes up to stand. ]
I deserve a lot of things, Cap, so I won't argue with you there. [ he'd settle for a pizza, if he's being perfectly honest. and that's still on the table.
sam holds out a hand, then, for steve to take. he may not need the help to stand, but sam offers it anyway, which is movement sam's gotten used to doing. a feeling he's used to having. you might not need me, right now, but don't worry. i can wait. he assumes that steve will take it, even if it takes a moment, but again - sam is patient, and sam waits, and when steve's hand finally makes it in his own, he'll pull the other man up to his feet. ] But this really depressing flat? Is also what I chose. [ with steve's hand still wrapped around his own, between them, sam will smile. will hold steve's eyes now that he can't get out of it, push their hands forward until sam's knuckle taps against steve's chest. ]
And I'm pretty sure I chose you, too. So you're kind of stuck with me.