[ bucky is trying to honor the last request of the last bit of family he had left. steve wouldn't have wanted him to fight over this, he knows that, he was gracious and understanding that way - he'd be sad, seeing them fight the way they do, over him, over his legacy. but taking care of steve, supporting steve, it's the only thing that was familiar to him once his brain was allowed to crawl out of the ice without being zapped right back into a coma.
it's all he has left. and that shield, the legacy of that shield? it's his legacy, too. it's everything he did right, before everything he did wrong, it's everything he tried to stand for, before he fell and hydra took the choice out of his hands.
that shield is how he tried to live his life, and watching it be degraded in the hands of a cap wannabe, who steve didn't even know, let alone approve of - instead of the man he entrusted it to? is an endless slap to the face. the shield, the mantle of captain america, it wasn't the government's to give - it was never theirs to give. the vibranium was stolen from wakanda, designed by howard stark - more friends that bucky owes unpayable debts to - and it has been carried by steve and only steve for decades.
he entrusted that; all its memories, and all its promises, into sam's hands. and bucky, of course he understood, of course he approved. the winter soldier can't be captain america, captain america has to be good. sam - sam is good, unmistakably, irrefutably, constantly, good. steve believed in him, and bucky? he believed in steve's faith, yes, because he has to, because if he trusted to his own, he wouldn't be able to keep living. but when it comes to sam? bucky believes in him, too.
he's not looking to be saved, steve couldn't really save him, either, and in the end, even that stubborn punk gave up trying - that right there should tell sam everything he needs to know about how impossible that particular task is. no, he's not looking to be saved. he's looking -- what is he looking for? acceptance? understanding? a sense of still belonging - to something, if not somewhere, someone? steve. he's looking for steve. he's looking for confirmation to that faith he had, he's looking for a reminder that he may be gone, but his spirit is still strong, still here, still being stubbornly and relentlessly right. he's trying to find some way to process the loyalty that's hit a wall, a way to make peace with steve walking out, leaving bucky to meet the end of the line on his own - because steve entrusted his shield to sam, and maybe to bucky, that entrusted him with something more.
or at least, these are things he might think, might figure out, if he really stopped to think about them. at the moment, he can't really get past the guttural anger he feels when he sees that shield in the hands of john walker, when he thinks about this man - who never even met steve! - claim he was like a brother. steve rogers had a brother, thank you very much, and he's still here, dammit. steve wasn't some icon, he was a person, he was the most important person to bucky, and his blood boils at the way his wishes have been ignored.
so what does sam look like to him? a heathen? sometimes, yes. ]
How do I know what goes without saying with you.
[ people do weird shit in this century weird fucking shit, sam, and if he weren't so angry all the time - he'd have a million questions to pose to him about the little interactions he's had with them. ]
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it's all he has left. and that shield, the legacy of that shield? it's his legacy, too. it's everything he did right, before everything he did wrong, it's everything he tried to stand for, before he fell and hydra took the choice out of his hands.
that shield is how he tried to live his life, and watching it be degraded in the hands of a cap wannabe, who steve didn't even know, let alone approve of - instead of the man he entrusted it to? is an endless slap to the face. the shield, the mantle of captain america, it wasn't the government's to give - it was never theirs to give. the vibranium was stolen from wakanda, designed by howard stark - more friends that bucky owes unpayable debts to - and it has been carried by steve and only steve for decades.
he entrusted that; all its memories, and all its promises, into sam's hands. and bucky, of course he understood, of course he approved. the winter soldier can't be captain america, captain america has to be good. sam - sam is good, unmistakably, irrefutably, constantly, good. steve believed in him, and bucky? he believed in steve's faith, yes, because he has to, because if he trusted to his own, he wouldn't be able to keep living. but when it comes to sam? bucky believes in him, too.
he's not looking to be saved, steve couldn't really save him, either, and in the end, even that stubborn punk gave up trying - that right there should tell sam everything he needs to know about how impossible that particular task is. no, he's not looking to be saved. he's looking -- what is he looking for? acceptance? understanding? a sense of still belonging - to something, if not somewhere, someone? steve. he's looking for steve. he's looking for confirmation to that faith he had, he's looking for a reminder that he may be gone, but his spirit is still strong, still here, still being stubbornly and relentlessly right. he's trying to find some way to process the loyalty that's hit a wall, a way to make peace with steve walking out, leaving bucky to meet the end of the line on his own - because steve entrusted his shield to sam, and maybe to bucky, that entrusted him with something more.
or at least, these are things he might think, might figure out, if he really stopped to think about them. at the moment, he can't really get past the guttural anger he feels when he sees that shield in the hands of john walker, when he thinks about this man - who never even met steve! - claim he was like a brother. steve rogers had a brother, thank you very much, and he's still here, dammit. steve wasn't some icon, he was a person, he was the most important person to bucky, and his blood boils at the way his wishes have been ignored.
so what does sam look like to him? a heathen? sometimes, yes. ]
How do I know what goes without saying with you.
[ people do weird shit in this century weird fucking shit, sam, and if he weren't so angry all the time - he'd have a million questions to pose to him about the little interactions he's had with them. ]